The State of Mental Health

Dutchess Story:

 “My Family’s Illness”

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Photo By: Bartlomiej Kurela

Story As Told To: R. Lee
As I spoke with this beautiful, successful Chicago model I could not help but notice her constant smile and angelic sounding voice. Our meeting began with a discussion on modeling and acting which she clearly displayed an absolute passion for. I in turn shared some of my passion for writting and helping others. Dutchess shared with me about how she enjoys helping other models/actresses and of how she strives to be a positive role model to aspiring young women. She also talked about her love for children and her belief in nourishing and protecting them. Gradually, Dutchess began sharing with me her life, from child-hood to the present. What was soon revealed to me was a very loving, caring person who has survived some of the worse mental, emotional, spiritual and physical abuse any one person can take. And yet she smiles and speaks softly, humbly!
Today on April 30, 2012. The State of ILLinois has ordered the closure of six out of the twelve mental health facilities existing in the State. The Dutchess of Chicago chooses to speak out and tell her story in solidarity with those families who suffer with the agony of loved ones with mental illness.



Dutchess’s Story Part#1: I grew up in South Suburban Chicago, born into a loving family of four. However, our household was not so loving, nourishing or protective. I think every child should have love, nourishment and protection. Children should feel safe! From the beginning, mental illness was the foundation of our environment. Both my mother and sister suffered from psychiatric disorders. As a result of the lack of protection for my sister and I, we were both molested by a neighbor when I was three and my sister five years old. Most of our nourishment came during my mothers illusions of being a prophet of God. She believed that the virgin Mary and her son Jesus spoke directly to her. While most children were playing in the park we were at the cemetary running around grave sites playing hide & seek, while waiting for messages from Mary. During the weekends we cleaned our house in preparation for mass to be held in the living room.
Dutchess Story Part#2: My parents didnt get along very well, and my mother would often leave us , saying that she did’nt know if she would return. However she would always pop back into our lives. I can recall a time when my mother took my sister and I from the home and kept us in her mini-van. I believe we lived in her van during those times because I would fall to sleep and wake up to see her still driving around. My mom was also very physically abusive, and would consider it attitude adjustments when she beat us.
Somehow, through creativity I managed to get less beatings than my sister did. I wanted my mom to love me so I strived to please her. My sister on the other hand was not able to be as creative as I and she bore the full force of those beatings. As a teen my sister began to fight back and even beat my mom on occasions. My mom left us for good during my teen years, but we now talk on sometimes. According to mom, my father and I were trying to kill her by poisoning the wine she drank. My dad helped my sister and I through much of the hard times emotionally by using humor and jokes. Now, I joke a lot. (laughter) Mom reportedly currently resides in another State, and believes the Mafia, CIA, FBI and other government agencies are out to get her and they keep her under surveilance. My mother always rejected the idea that she was mentally ill!
My father would eventually move out of the house leaving my sister and I alone here in Illinois. I am a survivor and so is my sister. However, in our early 20′s my sister was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Fortunately, I do not suffer from mental disorder and I often wonder if my pain is greater or lessor than my mom and sisters suffering?


Photo By: Bartlomiej Kurela

Dutchess Story Part#3: My sister appeared to take after my mother in more than one way. It was obvious that she inherited the mental disorder however, when she wasn’t busy playing with her imaginary monster friends she would be up on me. For some reason she always appeared envious of me, while I absolutely adored her! We went thru hell and back and survived together. Usually, such devastating trial and tribulation shared bring people closer but we haven’t been so fortunate. My sister is a very beautiful woman who has been blessed with three amazing children.
Initially, I was unsure whether I should tell the public so much about my life because such naked honesty opens up judgement and ridicule. However, I am a courageous woman and the sole motivation for telling my story is the hope that I will inspire another child or young adult to survive whatever they may be going thru. To never give up, never stop caring for others even when they have been hurt. I also hope to be able to help my sister and other people who suffer from mental illness and lack the appropriate Psychiatric care and/or access to medicines.
I believe that my sister and others in Illinois suffer unnecessarily in many ways. Our State appears to not have the best interest of the mentally ill in mind! My sister has been in and out of hospitals & institutions for over five years, but none of her stays have led to continuous care. In 2010 she started hearing voices and seeing people who werent there. She became more violent to her family, including me. At one point I decided to make a phone call to her ex-husband to see if he wa concerned about her irratic behavior? After my concerned phone call things turned for the worse for our relationship. She began falsely accusing me of all type of things, some of which included drug use, prostitution, stripping, contracting aids and of having an affair with her then soon to be ex-husband. She then filed a false order of protection against me which cost me a career and placed me in the ranks of the homeless. To be continued…..

Dutchess Story Part#4: My sister uses restraining orders as a weapon against people who are close to her. I’m not the only person to become a target of such attacks. However, I became homeless as a result of it. I slept from couch to couch, and often in my car. During this aweful time in life I was blessed to meet one of the strongest, most compassionate men created by God. This man helped build me back up emotionally and he provided me with tough love. One particular moment with him stands out in my mind, when he said “It is up to you to survive, no one else can do that for you. You are alone and your family isn’t going to help you thru this”.
A few weeks later I landed a better job and my own apartment. My modeling career began to flourish, along with my new found drive and dedication. So here I am today wiser, more humbled and a better person. I am a strong, indepemdent woman! One of my goals is to see my sister become mentally stable, and living a happy and productive life. In the beginning of this year 2012, I began receiving phone calls and text messages from both family members and neighbors saying that my sister needed help and was trying to kill herself.
Prior to receiving these calls I had not seen or spoken to my sister in over a year. Honestly, I was afraid of her. My mother assumed that my sister was just using drugs, and not really attempting suicide. She instructed me to just let the effects of the drugs wear off and things will be ok. While all of this was happening my father was still in Florida, and appeared to just be ignoring the situation.
Instead of just waiting to see what would happen I chose to call the police whom I hoped would escort me to check on my sisters well-being. What we found at her house would leave me sleepless for months. A police officer excorted my brother in-law and I into what can be described as a scene from a horror movie. My sister opened the door and asked “Do you trust”? Our reply was yes, as we walked into the house. To Be Continued…..

Dutchess Story Part#5: As I scaned the trash filled house, there were around twenty(20) different prescription drugs spread across a table. My sister sat in a rocking chair looking really thin and claiming to be the chosen one in need of followers. ( My initial reaction was to tell her about twitter) She then proceeded to proclaim that she was giving birth to Jesus in three (3) days, and urged us to prepare for his arrival.
The officer called Paramedics who then transported her to the hospital. My sister has been hospitalized for psych and behavioral issues over five (5) different times since the above incident. She has also developed another personality named “Wendy” who is satans bride! My sister, or Wendy has sold drugs , stolen, becomes violent and her stories often appear believable to strangers.
At present she does not have custody of her children, thankfully. I do believe my sister can get better. However, she has no health insurance and is unable to work. Her medicine costs over five hundred dollars monthly. It seems as though we have nowhere to turn for help. Our family was once told that my sister would have to be brought before a judge one hundred times before long-term treatment and care can be provided to her. My father recently moved back to Illinois from Florida to care for my sister but her condition only appeared to worsen. No matter how hard my father tries to help, he is not a Doctor. And he is unable to provide her with the care she needs.
Everyday my family battles Wendy to save my sister. We constantly search for answers; for group care; funds for medication. We are lost with no solutions and no help! I am here speaking from a position of pain, hope and love. I have no ill will toward my sister or anyone who suffers from mental illness. Right here, and right now I am crying for help! I would like to thank Transpire magazine for being my voice to the world.

Disclaimer: Transpire magazine, its Editor or writers do not claim the opinions of anyone who chooses to tell their life story. This article is based on the true life of “Dutchess” as she tells it to the Editor. Transpire Magazine is hereby absolved from all possible complaints or legal judgements. Furthermore, we at Transpire Magazine embrace the 5th amendment and every citizens right to freedom of speech.

One Response to Dutchess Story: “My Family’s Illness”

1. Lyndon Johnson says:

   
   

   May 1, 2012 at 1:57 am

   
   

   I am familiar with Heather as I have photographed her. I am also familiar with the mental health system as I have been on both sides as a provider and as a receiver of mental health services. I was also a part of a coalition in Chicago to prevent the closure of facilities with some success. Legislature has been introduced to Springfield that would allow communities to support MHC in their neighborhood via a percentage of property taxes. A referendum with 51% would allow the process to start.

Lyndon Johnson Photography

With: Heather Marie Dutchess